I started this blog around 2 years ago and haven’t yet been able to find it’s purpose. I didn’t enjoy writing as much as I could, and today I have realised why. I have decided to start over again and make this blog something for me, somewhere I can write down my thoughts, feelings and memories. I want to be able to record things I like, do and enjoy. Create memories of places I have been, recipes I have made, outfits I have worn and experiences I have had. I don’t want it to be somewhere I write for other people, this is going to be my space.
Firstly, how would I describe 21 year old me?
When I think of myself I think “boring”, “plain”, “average”. I dropped out of university last year because I couldn’t handle the stress and anxiety anymore, although I tell people it’s because I had changed my mind about my future career. I think of myself as being a failure.
I am a very lonely person as I struggle to keep friends close. Being paranoid that if I keep in contact too much with people I am annoying, and then weeks and weeks go by and I don’t see any friends. I am so lucky to have friends who still want to see me and spend time with me even though I am so distant.
I worry. I worry about everything , I worry any time I have to make a decision, I worry about what people think of me, I even worry about worrying too much. You name it, I’ve worried about it.
Having anxiety affects every part of my life at the moment, but it is something I am determined to conquer. I also want to learn how to see myself as the successful young adult that others see. I know it will take time but I am going to try my hardest not to put myself down so much. I think I have taken the first step by being honest with myself here.
Lastly, I love to travel. I love to see the world, to try new foods, to learn new languages, to see new cultures. This is something I want to work towards doing a lot more of.
I am going to use this blog as somewhere to write whatever I want, to document my experiences, to discuss the highs and lows of being that average 21 year old.